Primitive Princess’ blog

Our kids are on a PEZ kick right now. They only have a few dispensers each, so I am hoping it doesn't turn into a collection thing. For now, they seem to be happy with Spiderman and a cat and pumpkin head. It does bring me back to my childhood and my experience with PEZ. It was fun loading the dispenser, but even more fun eating it.

We found this Video on Youtube! Fun!

Found a vintage metal PEZ sign that I almost bought for them on our trip back from Duluth, but I am a cheap mom and didn't want to start something, besides it was $15. Again, CHEAP mom!

Just a few of our memories from our Duluth Extravaganza!

Enger Tower

Ohara Peace Bell

Artist painting Chester Creek

The Entire Group of Kiddos 

The two families had an excellent weekend of fun: hiking, exploring, throwing rocks in the lake, and just spending some time together.

So I have decided that this pretty much describes my ride, minus the duct tape. My man uses Gorilla Glue!

So I originally started this blog as therapy. A friend suggested I do it as sort of an outlet. She said to post good things and things I needed to vent about. Well, this morning is a venting sort of day.

My brother and I were talking. He had to break some very difficult news to me. Our dad's cancer is back. I was speechless, but why shouldn't I expect it with the way he treats his body. There is a tumor in his kidney and it has over tripled in size since the last time it appeared and was shrunk using chemo. The doctor said she would like to see him go with a 2-3 year remission in between treatments. Well, one year later and he is having to face the fact that he is going to be getting treatments again.

See, this is what upsets me. He knows the course of action he should be taking with his health. Does he listen to any of the doctors? Will he listen to any of us? No. I am upset, I am worried, I am sad, but I am really, really mad right now. It is like he cannot see past himself. We want him around for as long as we can. We have already lost one parent to cancer. It is like he cannot see how his actions, or lack of action, is effecting his children. It is the ultimate in selfishness. I would want to do all I could to be around for my children if I were ill. Now I understand that we are grown children, but I really feel slighted here. I have never had a good relationship with my dad. I want that chance. If he dies, that will be taken away. I suppose there is nothing I really can do if it is just one sided. He needs to want to reach out, too.

My brother and I were talking this weekend up at the cabin/lakehouse. He admitted something to me that I never knew he felt. He told me that he told Dad that he thought he was a horrible parent. I was stunned. My brother and dad are really close. Dad always wanted a son. Didn't much like that he had a girl first, and when my brother was born I was pretty much ignored. Well, I have always had a problem with Dad taking credit for the way we turned out, saying, "I raised you kids right." I guess my brother got tired of hearing that and said, "You were never there to raise us, you were gone all of the time. We raised ourselves, Dad!" I was completely dumbfounded. I had always thought that my brother thought that Dad was the greatest guy on earth since Dad bent over backwards for him. I know my brother felt our life was turbulent with all of dad's girlfriends and their children we had living with us, many of which were mean and abusive, but I thought he was blinded to dad's, shall we call them, "idiosyncrasies"! Guess, not.

We had a really good talk and I was able to share my heart and my hurt over things. Things that I have been afraid to tell dad, thinking they would set us more at odds with one another. (We have a good surface relationship when we do see each other, but if I ever wanted to talk to him about my childhood and how his drunk friends pawed at me (and other things I will not mention) when I was a young prepubescent girl, and the fact that I resented  that he threw a separate party for people who wanted to drink alcohol at my wedding, thereby snubbing my wedding reception because I chose not to have alcohol at our reception. If he could only see that growing up around him and his drunk friends sort of left a bad taste in my mouth for alcohol, so starting my new life with my hubby was not going to involve that in the celebration of our new marriage, MY day I might add!!! Anyway, I am mad for how I continually feel cheated by him and his selfishness!!! 

I have always wanted a dad that I could look up to, that would have been that prince that little girls desire to see in their daddy. Now, for my kids sake, I don't want him to leave this kind of legacy! I am MAD at him! He totally dismisses everything I say when I do try to talk, or he gets really mad and just walks away from me. So, what do I do? How I have prayed that God would change his heart and his apathy towards me.

I have tried and tried and tried to reach out. I just keep getting rejected. I sent him a father's day card and said that the card was good for seeing the upcoming X-flies movie with his daughter (We both LOVE the X-files), anything to try and spend time with him. We'll see if it actually happens. I am going to actively pursue him, but we'll see if he rejects me as he has countless times when I have asked him over for dinner or to do something.

I don't know, right now I am just really mad! Perhaps I have said enough. 

Went up to my Aunt and Uncle's cabin this weekend. We actually stayed at their Lakehouse. We arrived Friday around 5pm right before the severe weather that passed through. (Now that was good timing!) After that, the weather was beautiful! We had a great time swimming, pontooning, fishing, making smores, and just relaxing and taking in the sun. I took in a little too much. Ouch! I think we will go up for a week and stay at the Lake house in August. The parts of me that aren't burning from the sun are very relaxed! Ahhhhhhhh. It was so nice spending time with my Aunt and Uncle, and my brother and nephew.

Bullfish

Okay, so I bought a new pattern in which to knit my daughter a new sweater. I have a pattern for newborn to 24 months, depending on needle size and yarn used. However, she out grew that patten and I continued to knit sweaters in hopes of selling them. I did sell a few and I also have an order in to make another one, but I wanted to put my knitting skills to use for our family. This translates into, "Make your own daughter a sweater and stop paying crazy prices for machine made ones, you lazy loaf!" So I made the effort, bought the patten, the yarn, and the buttons. I finished it last week and I am not very happy with it. Something needs to be tweaked. The shoulders go down too low. It fits her, she looks cute in it, but the shoulders really bug me! I think I will try it once more before I need to knit my mittens for Lynne's shop up in Duluth. 

Sweater Issues

Okay, so I finally broke down and turned on our Geothermal. I was a bit hesitant when my hubby said that we should go Geothermal when building our home. I didn't know too much about it and its cooling/heating capabilities. I am a true believer! Wow! Does it ever get cold in here! We are supposed to pick a temp and stick with it, so we are trying to tweak it a bit in order to find a comfortable temp, but I am so excited that we are using the earth to cool our home.

My hubby-love has also expressed an interest in wind-powered electricity (windmill). I think we are going to have to wait on that, but he did rough in for solar. Too bad it isn't efficient enough out here to get most of our power from it. It would be wonderful if some day we could be off of "the grid"!

Hope we can find a comfortable temp soon, I am freezing!!!

Parade

Celebrated Independence Day with our dear friends on Saturday by attending a parade, grilling, and swimming all day long. We were supposed to go to the fireworks as well, but we were tuckered out from the day of play as well as the late night we had on the 4th watching fireworks.

Had our annual 4th of July party with friends. What a sweet time of swimming, fun, and relaxation! One of our friends who normally celebrates with us was unable to attend last year, as he was shipped off to his second tour in Iraq! What a great feeling it was to have him here this year celebrating with us. How we love our current and former soldiers who have sacrificed so much for us in order to be able to celebrate this fine day! We are so blessed! decorations!

Festive Decorations

The two youngest found a toad while the eldest and I were working on Phonics this morning. Here they are posing proudly with it. They already asked if they could keep it as a pet. We already have two fish and one tadpole. I don't want to become the local Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Is it too much to ask that we remain pet free for at least a year so I can enjoy new home smell and a fur free zone? Will they need therapy when they grow older from me refusing their requests to make EVERYTHING they find out of doors a pet? I just hope they don't try to bring home a badger!

Toad